I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
