He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So much rum. So many feels.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
