That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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