just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize