Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
