Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
