mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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