I think my vagina is haunted
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
