Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
