I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
