she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
