Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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