Michael Bay diarrhea
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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