Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
