I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
