Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
