I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
