life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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