They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
