I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
