Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
