I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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