My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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