I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
