she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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