I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let's get the cat blown out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
