Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I died a long time ago.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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