So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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