I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
