I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
