i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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