I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
