Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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