There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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