i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize