Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
