i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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