I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
