What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
