You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
