i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
