Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
