I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
