Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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