dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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