Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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