hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
