I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
