mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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