just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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