The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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