My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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