I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize