I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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