and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
