having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
