Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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