And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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