I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
