I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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