your parents love me but you hate me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
