Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So. Much. Porn.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
