Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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