I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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