I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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