my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
