I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
