Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
did i walk over a car last night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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