i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
